Mid-Semester Absentees Reaches Alarming Heights

The Provost announced the creation of a task force to examine the problem of mid-semester absentees. The announcement came after a residence hall survey revealed dozens of students have abruptly left East Texas University this semester. The task force will be comprised of a cross section of campus administration ranging from faculty to student counselors.

“We understand the college experience can be daunting for some,” said Provost XXX. “We pride ourselves on academic rigor, and while we have no intention of lowering our standards I have charged the task force with finding a way to identify at-risk students and intervening before they leave.”

Every semester a handful of students quietly leave the university, sometimes without a word to friends or roommates and leaving behind all their possessions. Without an official withdrawal notice, the university treats these students as enrolled but absent. Students still missing at the end of the semester are marked as dropped-out.

This semester marks the highest absentee rate since 1994. The Provost hopes to find and return at least some absent students before Final Exams. If you know the location of a missing student, please contact the Provost’s Office.