Suspected Mass Food Poisoning Closes Taco Stand

Last Thursday, dozens of students fell ill after eating at Machu Picchu Tacos, a food truck known to operate along the road leading north from Whiskey Creek Apartments.

“I heard about them just a couple of weeks ago,” said Suzie Freeman, a freshman History major. “My friends said they had the best tacos around, and their truck was decorated with all these cool artifacts and paintings and stuff, you know, like you’d see in one of those documentaries about the Aztecs or Incas or something? Anyway, I was on my way to give the place a try when I heard a bunch of kids were getting sick after eating there. I’m glad I didn’t go.”

“My friend, Larry, ate there every day,” said Joseph Farland, a sophomore Music major. “He started complaining about his stomach hurting one day when he decided to get pizza instead of tacos. The pain kept getting worse and worse, then he said he was actually craving the tacos from that Machu Picchu truck. Next thing I knew, he ran off like a crazy man, yelling about tacos and ‘the mask of the gods’ or something like that. It was super weird.”

Several students were submitted to the Golan County Regional Hospital late Thursday night, all suspected of suffering from food poisoning.

“It’s one of the worst cases of food poisoning I’ve ever seen,” said Karen McAllister, a registered nurse at GCR Hospital. “It was so intense for some of them. They were having pain-induced hallucinations, talking about gold masks and robed figures. But, the weirdest part was they all said they wanted more Machu Picchu tacos. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

When local Department of Health authorities went to issue a license suspension pending further investigation, the Machu Picchu food truck was no where to be found.

“We would like to remind everyone to pay attention to the food you’re being served,” said Margaret Thrusher, a local Department of Health spokesman. “If your food looks under-cooked or ill-prepared, don’t eat it. And, never eat food prepared by a vendor that hasn’t been approved by a certified health inspector.”